Why am I writing this? Because I can.

I am not ashamed to admit my attachment to 2012’s hottest chick lit mommy porn trashy novel “book series” to hit the carpool lane. Let’s blame it on the fact that I’m a Seattleite who owns a Kindle.

Though I can’t imagine there is a human out there who isn’t at least slightly familiar with 50 Shades of Grey by E.L. James (hell, even the Wall Street Journal has written about it), let me briefly elaborate for those who read my blog and have, apparently, spent the last year living in China:

Recent college-grad-who-doesn’t-own-a-computer, Anastasia Steele, meets drop-dead gorgeous, 27-year-old Seattle billionaire, Christian Grey. She’s a virgin. He’s a dominant who engages in tremendous amounts of BDSM-sex with brunette-haired women contracted to become his subs. The pair hook up and a relationship ensues…which includes (but is not limited to) rides all over the Pacific Northwest in his private helicopter and jet; time spent in the swankiest penthouse apartment in Seattle; and lots of sex. I mean, like, LOTS of sex. More sex than you would think possible.

Women from coast to coast have been fantasizing about Mr. Grey (oh yes you have–don’t deny it) and about the wardrobe E.L. James gives her 22-year-old heroine. Because every item Ana wears is either borrowed from her wealthy roommate, Kate, or purchased for her by Christian–for whom money is no object–her clothing is both beautiful and off-the-charts expensive. But it doesn’t have to be. Let’s open Ana’s closet and take a peek:

1) Short, silver dancing dress Ana wears in Aspen.

2) Silver, strapless gown for the charity masquerade ball.

3) Grey chiffon halter dress for Ana’s graduation from, um, WSU. (I’m guessing Ana didn’t get into the UW. Bummer.)

4) Kate’s plum dress that Ana wears for her contract-signing meeting with Christian.

5) Pale-blue bra and panties that Christian’s manservant purchases for Ana after she drinks too much and throws up on her own clothes.

6) Her most flattering jeans–pretty much all she wore until Mr. Grey came into the picture.

7) Plum pumps to match the contract dress.

8) Converse sneakers to go with the jeans. (I’m sure there’s a way to type a parenthetical 8 without making a smiley face, but I’m too lazy to figure it out.)

9) Grey-suede pumps that match her charity gown.

10) A charm bracelet from Mr. Grey to commemorate their relationship. If you want to know why it includes an ice-cream cone, read the book.

11) My city–where it all takes place.

12) Venetian mask for the ball.

13) Ana’s birthday present–in toy size to suit any budget.

And now, for some non-masochistic shopping….

Come on…join the club. You’re in good company….

LATERS, BABY!